There is a note in my phone that says "tradition is a veneer over the abyss" that I'm assuming will become a post here one day. This is how most of my ideas germinate, from initial thought into an eventual snowballing effect, building and gathering momentum. My mind is a swollen river of such initial thoughts and recurring images. As a writer its been my responsibility to sort through these with (hopefully) increasing skill for identifying which are worth seeing through to fruition.
Some days I feel like a master of it, others it can feel like I'm just making it up as I go along. The general organizing principle is one of instinct, not intellect or moral clarity, so any attempts I make at interpreting this skill leave me with pie on my face. In a way I deserve it for expecting any of it to make sense.
Lately I've been drawn to this idea of mental health issues as personality traits, how our sense of self is often invaded by the invisible hand of unresolved emotions. As you read this I imagine you can think of a few, often presaged in conversation by things like, "that person's just-." It's remarkable how the things we say out loud can still not be readily obvious to us, as a species we can be more notable for our density than our subtlety.
It's one of those things where I don't want to but yet also cannot compulsively stop myself from building a catalogue of such traits, asterisks or warning labels for when a conversation might sink into an inescapable morass or, more problematically, when to avoid certain people altogether. As with most things it's a delicate balance but I often find myself drifting more and more into heavy levels of discernment all in an effort to avoid friction.
And what is friction?
Well, according to the dictionary it's "the resistance that one surface or object encounters when moving over another." For clarity's sake I offer that definition here but I travel under a different definition of the term.
To me friction primarily is that which adds difficulty or resistance to my creative life- think of dams, sunken ships in that river of thought- but also to any other aspect of my existence. Instead, the goal for me is one of optimal ease- or even lubrication- to make these processes run smoothly or make my life a more peaceful one. And so I seek out people and situations that add to these dynamics while avoiding things that don't. It doesn't mean I avoid strife or difficulty altogether, far from it, but it means I steer clear of dull or boring manifestations.
As an added note I'll say that if you're reading these words at this point in my life then you've probably already made the cut.
The engine feeding my creativity is my primary focus in life. People are important to me of course, but people are not what dragged me through the impossible situations I've faced or what continues to drive me today. For all intent and purpose the engine pulls me, I only concoct an elaborate ruse to make it appear as though I am the one in charge.
For instance, the engine says this stops here and so I am leaving you with this miasma of disorganized thought. I hope you, wherever you are, are doing well and I hope whatever I've said here is a clarifying or at least interesting addition to whatever you've been thinking.
Until next time.